i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
