I skipped work to stalk him.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
