I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
