I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
