I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Send help, water and tortillas.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
