Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
