Got a toothbrush?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
