captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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