Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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