Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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