This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
