I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
