she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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