So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
