is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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