Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
