then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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