I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
