You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
