Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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