Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
