And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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