Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
