We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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