I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
