he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
