Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i dont even know how to be here
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
