rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
