I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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