Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
