This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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