Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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