i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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