How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
