You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
