you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
