you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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