Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
worst night to have a conscience
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
