Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
