it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
