If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
