i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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