My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i think i have two assholes
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
