her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dicks are not precious.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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