This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
