Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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