is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
