PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
