i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
