Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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